Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The Final Push: we're crowning!


Uranus in Aries

So here we are again on the cusp of the astrological new year (when the sun enters the first degrees of Aries), the spring equinox in the north (the autumn equinox in the southern hemisphere), the ascension of christ (consciousness) celebration...aka Easter.. but more poignantly, we are on the astrological cusp of Uranus' re-entry into Aries. For those of you wondering why that matters, the unseens are sharing that this transition is THE fiery (shift of the ages) energy we have been waiting for to provide us with the new celestial backdrop (playground) to transform our lives and this planet into our inspired visions of new earth.  This energy has the potential to set any remains of our old lives ablaze, and to release our new lives from our internal combustion chambers that have been churning the flames of creativity and building the pressure within us since the first Uranian visit in Aries back in June/July of 2010.

And we definitely got a taste of the powerful Uranus in Aries themes last year, both personally and collectively (think Gulf of Mexico oil spew).  In my own life, this manifested as an intense time (and summer) of deep grieving due to the sudden loss of my beloved soul mate and feline friend, Chloe, who was taken by coyotes on the July 25-6th full moon/Saturn opposition Uranus/cardinal t-square that proved to change my life in a nanosecond...the way only Uranus' influence can. Such a painful time of heartbreak for me that I was unable to even speak of it publicly until now, which is a clear indication of the many months of ancient heart-wound healing that many of us had to integrate since that very challenging time.

This time around, the unseens assure us that IF(yep, that's a big if) we got the lessons and integrated their core essence...wrapped up all the loose ends and tidied up a decade or two of soul-searching while unlearning everything we've been taught, licking our wounds, reclaiming soul fragments to heal our perceived separation from Source…then we have the opportunity coming to (fully) align all levels of our being (spiritual, mental, emotional & physical) with our divine blueprint and break out into the social/physical world.  This will still take a bit of time/energy/perseverance, but the process is well underway and hopefully (on a personal level) we can make it thru this month without any more of those famous Uranus "brick in the face" wake-up calls.  The world stage, however…well, that's just a whole different article.

Underneath the remnants of our remaining physical upgrades (read: pain) we can already feel this transformative energy bubbling up.  It can feel in many ways, passionate & creative, yet the intensity of it can also make us feel like a live wire...chaotic, wild and unstable... if not grounded properly.  This energy can easily be interpreted as ANXIETY, especially with all the geomagnetic fluctuations playing us like a bad video game.  Not easy to keep our center here…but so important to stay neutral and firmly grounded thru all the fluctuations caused by such magnanimous forces of transition.


The Final Push

For some, it is high time to get moving and though this racy feeling of chomping-at-the-bit can conflict with our physical well-being (or lack thereof), change is here... plain and simple.  We are in a new dimensional space with a new set of potentials, and with the coming j-o-b of applying our hard earned skills in a physical way...a way that will (dare I say)pay the bills. This can be a confusing time because on one hand nothing feels different, and things around us can even look the same…but on the other, we have a deep unshakable knowing that something monumental is shifting and that our lives will never be the same again.  (the ol' foot in both worlds scenario, except the gap is much smaller now)

Meanwhile, our heads are in the new, our hearts are coming in and out of the new, and our physical bodies are still slowly integrating/adjusting to the new. We can feel the fiery energy rushing in, but can't do a damn thing about it.  Great ideas abound, but nothing is grounding until we come into complete alignment, which amounts to a bunch of unfinished projects.  It can definitely feel like we are being tested aaaagain…but my take is that this is just the final push from polarity to neutrality, and thru it, we can readily notice…in each moment... which end of the polar spectrum we are visiting... which ultimately determines whether or not we are standing in our power or standing in doubt.

When in doubt, we can look to our outward life to show us where we really stand, as sort of an external gauge of our internal growth.  In most ways, we are still backed-up against the wall with an inability to move freely in any direction… yet, deeply we know that we absolutely have to and that endings and new beginnings happen simultaneously.  There is no where else to go but up as we have already been to the bottom, back and round again…this will be obvious in your life if you have run out of "parallel" moves, exhausted all karmic potentials and lived thru all your core wounds and self-created nightmares.

I know for myself, I have had the "gift" of foreclosure and bankruptcy to sustain my survival thru nearly 3 years of living mortgage-free...and like many of you, I still struggled.  But as of yesterday, my final court hearing, "mortgage-free" is longer my realit-y.   Like everyone on this timeline, I am absolutely suspended in limbo to the point where things have not shifted enuf in my external world to completely sustain me, yet, enuf has shifted in my internal world to know that all is well and that the support needed for our fresh start is finally entering our physical domain.

So many of us are waiting for endings…the perfect alignment of closure to completely crack open the vault of our new beginnings.  We are waiting to move to a new home/geographic location, waiting to finalize a sale, waiting for legal matters, waiting for a major financial breakthru, waiting for a divorce or for our true soul companions,waiting for the physical transition of a loved one, the birth of a new baby/project/job/partnership/business, etc.  As we shift ourselves to align with the new energies here to take us to our proverbial kingdom, we are all waiting for something to complete our puzzle, take us full circle, and bump us up to the next spiral of our personal and global evolution. In best cases, everything is lined up and ready, just waiting for go-time.


Behind the Scenes

One of the things we wish to speak of is the way in which  the forerunners of new-human consciousness are adapting to the increasing energies that are permeating the planet.  There is so much information being transmitted to you that it is nearly remarkable that each of you can even stand on your own two feet, nevermind exist and function in a relatively normal way. -Pleiadians

The Pleiadians want to continually bring our attention the our increasing capability to stay in the null zone, or what they often refer to as zero-point.  Our ability to stay neutralized thru all the cosmic, celestial, and solar activity that is now officially pummeling our planet, is due to our (e)merging into the fields of oneness.  The merging process has mutated our biological genetics to align with our soulular genetics to the point that we are beginning to notice in positive ways….and by which there is also so much ridiculous discomfort in and around the spinal cord.

"Be at peace with this process for there is a magnificent opportunity opening to each of you on the planet, an opening that will allow the christed energies to flood the material plane, and make for a wellspring of change…both physical and ethereal."

Over the next six weeks, I am hearing that there will be quite an astonishing impact on our consciousness.  The most identifiable aspect of this will apparently be with regard to a new level of clarity and understanding that is beginning to wipe the sleep from our eyes so that we can see and more fully understand what the hell has "happened to us" over the last 10 years.  This new-level clarity is what will help us shift beyond the pain-body and into the light-body.

 "As the mind, body & soul come into complete alignment, thinking becomes clear and sharp and the rest of your long and short term problems, absolvable. "

This new level of clarity will be akin to waking from a dream by which all those things that we imagined were real were really only figments of our imagination.  The dream served us well, but now it's time to step out of the dream of complications, strife, illusion, loss and lack, and into the "reality" of our true nature as empowered cocreators. 


A Clarion Call

The unseens say that Uranus’ re-entry into Aries will not only be the defining energy of 2011 (especially with regard to scientific & technological advancements), but THE transformational period of the 21st century.  In my own words, this year is when all you powerhouse Indigos and Blue Rays out there step into your more public roles as the architects and builders of the new earth...those of you here to inspire and create an extreme makeover: planet edition.

If you find yourself panting and pacing like a caged lion in the remaining stillness of transformation, most likely you are one of these blue folks preparing to be shot out of cannon…the energy within is building up and shifting us from the receptive state of vulnerability required for our inward metamorphosis, to the power, confidence, self-reliance and assertiveness needed to break free and motivate change in the outer world by standing openly in our truth and sharing our ideas.

What that will actually look like… NO idea.  Will this changeover hurt?  Probably.  But for all you pioneering souls out there…this is the thrilling adventure we have been waiting for.

For all who are stepping forth into the field of oneness, there is a clarion call sounding.  This call is of the heart, a wave of inspiration set forth to reverberate thru the new planetary grid structure and one that will give us the green light to create new openings, opportunities and connections with others of like-mind and heart.  I am told that this group of wayshowers are those who will "bring forth the blueprints of the celestial kingdom for the creation of a new planet, a new way of being and a new system of stewardship."

Many of this group have been initiating new projects, new ideas and new concepts that began to birth in the physical world last summer (in the north), yet were held up or blocked from their full manifestation while the planet integrated and readjusted to align with more of its divine template.  Now, these new endeavors will be brought to fruition and the plans and projects that we have been nurturing for so long will have the ability to take hold, to find their footing in the new world.  Its not as if these plans were unable to be implemented in the past, its that these plans will be better-implemented in the now.


The Building Phase

This is the year that we have the opportunity to co-create anew…to physically build something better, more sustainable and with the intention of the highest good for all. This is the moment where we apply our VISIONary leadership skills and share our inspired ideas with others.

The Pleiadians would also like to introduce us to a concept that many will be working with (especially Indigos/BlueRays) as we begin the building phase of ascension. They are calling this concept "peaceful cooperation" which will reintroduce the understanding that working with the highest intentions for a group collective ensures that each and every person has the ability to express and create their portion of the soul-galactic plan.  The wayshowers, now acting as planetary overseers, will be teaching these concepts in various applicable ways.

This idea was birthed in ancient times and is honored in some folklore, native traditions and by our indigenous cultures, but will now take root in the westernized parts of the world as well.  I am hearing that this will be a grassroots-type global organization that will teach, inspire and remind humanity of the inner-wisdoms that are accessible to each of us.

The global effort to redesign the structures of the earth and maintain/promote the forward-thinking ideas of true sustainability begins with peaceful cooperation…the fundamental idea that each of us is an aspect of the God-head, and as such, each of us is to be respected and honored for our contributions to the planet and her people.

As these new foundations are laid and the fundamental requirement for true sustainability takes hold, those who have come to structure the plans will step in to implement the physical designs needed to align with earths sacred blueprint.

There are those already well-versed in these new creations... which will be guided heavily by sacred geometry and the electro-magnetic vortices which align all major power-centers to create the ascendant grid structure for the physical planet... and those with this sacred knowledge will be stepping forth to offer their knowledge to those who require it.

"We are so looking forward to seeing your physical creations take form, the building of a new world based on the needs of the people & the planetary body as a whole."


Physical Happenings

Everything still hurts.


To crowning!
Lauren

ThinkWithYourHeart.net

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159 comments:

  1. as always perfect timing...in fact experiencing the caged lion phenomena this very morning!!! talk about wearing the carpet out with pacing...dusting....waiting..wanting to get moving...all too funny! big thanks as always! :0)

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  2. Speechless. Just gratitude. I have never read anything more in sync with my own experiences, whisperings... ever. I always trusted the connection but have never seen anything like this. Every letter is like a blockbuster release and my jaw drops. Surreal. Namaste.

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  3. Dear Lauren,

    I've never commented on your messages before, but I've been here for all of them, and they've always arrive when I asked or need support. Seriously, every time I thought you may have a great insight, there you were, with a great insight.

    This feels SO aligned, so speaks to me. Wow. I just had to say how much I love you sister, how your light has helped me keep on, keep faith, and I can't wait to dance in pure relief that the aches and work are done.

    Special note about your beloved Chloe... that has been one hard part for me too, loosing some soul mate animal friends in the last few years. I hope my Moon and your Chloe have met in kitty heaven together.

    Thank you from the purest part of my heart, for all you do, and share.
    xoxo Niki

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  4. thanks and blessings Lauren,
    exciting times indeed. on our ride home, with rain behind us and blue skys in front. we saw a magnificent rainbow . the predominant colors were violet and indigo blue. indeed their energy is coming into the forefront. yeeehaaaa
    blessings for all
    irene

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  5. OMG......Lauren, your post brought me to tears...as an early Indigo, I feel like I have waited my WHOLE LIFE for this moment to share my gifts, my vision, my passions (or dare I say, God's). WOW WOW WOW... I'm ready. I'm willing. I'm open!

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  6. Wow! Very inspiring and right on!

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  7. Wow - it just dawned on me the lower back pain - similar to prebirtthing pain - it's the new baby crowning. Even better is the joy of the delivery when you completely forget the pain

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  8. Thank you so much Lauren! Amazing timing and synchronicity ! Your words give me light and joy! Yeah...still hurts!
    Love,
    Kuaya

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  9. Also want to thank you for sharing
    your life with us in these posts.
    I too have had to let go of my most
    dear animal friends. Even though I
    know we will be reunited soon, it is
    still very difficult to handle.
    Much Love,
    Devi

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  10. Thank You for the joy of laughter you always bring in your updates.

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  11. This is awesome! Verifies everything I've felt lately. Thank you so, so much. :)

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  12. Giggling, laughing out loud. I just knew you were going to post today and was hanging around online to read it! Body pain? Oh yeah! I was completely down from Thursday through Sunday.New Project? Yep: wrote a book in two months, finished the stuff for publication this afternoon, and have been "pacing like a lion in a cage" with enormous energy, rapid-fire thinking, "acting as if" I knew what I was doing. periodically I just shake my head, feeling like I've been aroused from a deep coma. What a great time to be alive! Bring it!
    Thanks Lauren--
    Pam/Tzaddi

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  13. Related to the "field of Oneness" Lauren speaks about is March 9th...Dawn of the Unity Wave. Read more: http://www.calleman.com/content/articles/dawn_of_the_unity_wave.htm

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  14. I'm sorry about Chloe. Your heart must've broken. One of the many many reasons I left California in June (bankruptcy/foreclosure as well...) was to move my furry babes to a safer environment. Sonoma has many coyotes and I needed to rejuvenate without that worry. I'm in rural Tenn. now - no coyotes! My heart goes out to you. One of my furry one is a soul mate/twin flame one of the two..we've been together twice now in my life time. She came to me at 5 - died when I was 26 and came again at 35.
    Wow. I'm so sorry that happened...but you know she is in a good place and all is well. that is a hard one. letting go of her physical body...hugs.

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  15. OMG, this morning was also the peak of my craziness. something happened this morning and now i'm just BURNING.


    this was said to me "step up or step down but you can't sit on your fat ass waiting for your crown"

    i'm been so anxious lately. i've had this huge creative binge where i've nearly finished my album and a bunch of contacts in the industry have sort of come into my awareness and it's just falling into place, but i still have work to do on end and now i'm totally on board and doing it and i just cant wait.

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  16. Oh Lauren!

    Thank you very much!

    So timely!

    From 2010? For me, rather 20 years ago (and all my life, indeed!). But, ok. Since last year: other ways of thinking (and keep a job... i could not, because i felt hurt when they don´t act consciusly... ask my mother who from the other world came to say I´m sorry at last!).

    If, big IF. I agree completly. Last year, was a living phantom, trying to find out why others keep my money, take away interesting places to work, steal my ideas. And how to end to this victim pattern I lived my whole life!

    Better grounded: just stumbled and fell about 10 mins. ago! What can I say! (I was no looking, of course, and there was an obstacle where there should be none).

    Creativity: Yes. Three funny science and tech. softwares content for children and 18 exhibits in one month.

    I am still deeply affraid to be as I was 6 years ago: bankruptcy, two children, separation to be divorced, selling the house and keeping just 30% of the money, so that Pablo would not loose everything... this thinking about the whole and not just about me!).

    Thank the changes: I was like paralyzed, like a seed in a shell, like a sleeping beauty... not fun, not pretty.

    I hope I can see myself out side the box... and I still fear my own misdoings! I am afraid of me, really! (Ouch!). But is true!

    Projects: in my dream, the stroller was rather empty, though I felt more inside me a beautiful and healthy baby, a smiling an very vital one, sweet and dreamy!

    I must agree: how could I ever function an every day life? I still don´t know (maybe because of the support group and writing down my feelings: drinking coffee and smokin´...!?)

    Uranus in my sign, Aries, (but this integration to my cancer ascendant and this mud in my 8th and angerness locked in my 12th... ) Oh My... I should just let go!

    Thankyou very much for being the clarion yourself, Lauren!

    And all by best wishes to All of you (us).

    And we keep on!

    Rín

    (I bought by a lawyer who conducted me to public auction a beautiful divine given dept. in front of a park).

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  17. I second the comments that your posts always come at the perfect time and are inevitably in alignment with my experience. I too have an unusual lower back pain like birthing. And after two years, my project A JOY Experiment is just about to be birthed! (www.ajoyexperiment.com) Thank you will all my heart for seeing us through these times. Much love, light and JOY!

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  18. Thank you Lauren!
    Change IS here...YAHOO!
    Physical pain...big time OUCH!
    OK everyone...take a big breath and...PUSH!

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  19. A resounding YES! Right on Laura!!! No wonder I just got involved doing a Master's degree at Antioch University in Conflict Resolution! This degree teaches conflict theory and skill, but is based in "consciousness!" Some are calling these types of people "cultural change agents," "conflict and cultural resolutionists," and "peaceful warriors!" I have felt for a long time that these peaceful resolutionists would rise up out of obscurity and lead harmonious efforts toward a sustainable integrated way of Living! It is time-and we shall all step into that which we have been seeking. Spirit once told me that "you are becoming That which you seek." "that which you are" We are stepping into Ourselves, the old is melting like the wicked witch of the west did when she was doused with water and the butterfly is emerging from the cocoon of transformation to partake of the nectar of the Divine..the AMRIT..Blessed be the Creator and the Creation..

    Mitakuye Oyasin---We are all Relation---Lakota

    Ek Ong Kar---The Creator and Creation are One---Sikh

    In Lak'ech---(ein lah kesh) I am another yourself...I am you and you are me. Mayan


    Witsatologi nihi---Many blessings---Cherokee

    Randy Allen---RA

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  20. Thank you Lauren.

    I just hope I didn't miss the bus. I have this fear that keeps me paralyzed. Ugh! After reading this, maybe it's not me holding myself back? I think we'll all need a stint in the loony bin once this over! LOL!

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  21. Lauren thank you!!!....
    This is such an intense time for me and I take great comfort from your posts.
    I feel tremendous excitement without knowing why and at the same time feel scared like something BIG is about to happen FINALLY.
    Where I live there is noone I know with any understanding of what is happening apart from me and my friend Leon and its nice to know there are others out there feeling the same and you do a great job bringing us together knowing we are in it together.
    I feel soooooo tired of late I can hardly move my legs does anyone else feel this way?
    And I keep seeing 33's everywhere is this just me?
    Anyways I just want to send my love and blessings to you and all the other brave ones :)
    namaste

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  22. we love you Lauren! may blessings of financial abundance pour on you like spring showers :) hugs!!!

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  23. "...feeling of chomping-at-the-bit can conflict with our physical well-being (or lack thereof)"

    YUP. That says it all. Feeling like everything in my life except my creative passion is weighing me down, and I want to be rid of it! Now! But no clue how, and I'm such a crabby ass from this oversleeping / can't sleep / pain / exhaustion, that I can't even imagine how I could handle what I deeply desire. I am so glad to hear I'm not the only one barely holding on.
    Thanks Lauren.

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  24. thanks for the post lauren!

    ive been experiencing major headaches lately..wondering is this a symtom its been INSANE and i dont know what it's about..i have barely been able to cope with living...ive been acting like a zombie!

    as for my life...i have been feeling CAGED for months and getting really angry...no matter how hard i try ...i cant seem to move my life...stuffs gets in the way like constant road blocks and i feel like giving up..i just dont have the energy to keep going...i dont know what to do...i need help?

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  25. Thank you so much. I have felt this in my bones(literally) the last few weeks and now understand why. I stand ready to show the way and be in service to this planet. You have shown the way and I am so grateful for your knowledge and teachings. I await these changes with glee and giddiness.

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  26. Aloha Lauren. Thanks for another fine posting. I don't know about everyone else, but some days I literally cannot stand on my own 2 feet and must take up the horizontal position for journeying into oneness. Doesn't matter time of day, the call is soooo strong, I must obey. Oy vey is all I can say. So many amazing openings are taking flight. This caged lioness is ready to rock n roll!...xox

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  27. Thank you so very much Lauren and all others for sharing! Ready to serve the planet and can't wait for the body to stop hurting ...

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  28. Thanks Lauren. I got slammed by the solar winds on Tuesday and am still realing. I knew I was to stay calm and quiet but I just lost it. And good thing too cuz what I lost was that part of me that was still fealing guilty and responsible for having the life I have (like most of you complete standstill for the past 20 years). Where this will take me I don't know. What I do know is that I am OKAY! There is nothing wrong with me, I'm just one of the frontrunners and living in another reality. For now I'm just floating around in my boat. I've pulled in the oars, am lying back and looking at the sky - total surrender. Let it take me where it does, I'm not fighting anymore. I'm done. I've let go. It's over. Thy will be done.
    Thank you to all of you who have written for once again letting me know that I am not alone in this! Some of you have been at this as long as I have (all my life!) It's okay to be tired, even the Pleadians said so!

    Happy letting go and letting our Godselves.

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  29. Brilliant! Thankyou Lauren. So intelligent,wise and lighthearted (as much as such serious and challenging things can be, that is) Sending great gratitude across the oceans. take care and keep building on the immense strength of heart you so naturally embody. :-)

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  30. Hi Lauren, and thank You, you are doing a great job. You said:
    "In my own words, this year is when all you powerhouse Indigos and Blue Rays out there step into your more public roles as the architects and builders of the new earth here...those of you here to inspire and create an extreme makeover: planet edition."

    I am feeling this is what happening in Tunisia, Egypt, Yemen, Oman, Libya, Iran, Indonesia, Congo, Ivory Coast and in Zimbabve.

    Those are all young people 30 and belove. Who just won't take it any moore. It is not about politic, not about religion, it is all about those youngsters... booosting their consciousness in the last dekade. In Now they want their freedom, to have the opurtunity to choose what ever they want. This is a Consciousness Revolution.. It Has already started... :)

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  31. Sorry about your cloe. I had to hand over my pug Reno to friends who could better care for him. Never realized how much buddha energy my little guy packed, and how much he supported my process. A powerhouse of love in a little pug body.

    I am fortunate enough to have gotten a very faced paced job where I get to learn how to use my energy out in the world AND run these energies so they don't drive me crazy! Very blessed.

    That was so generous of the Pleiadians to say they recognize what a challenge this is, and how we are doing it! For better or worse, we ARE doing it! I feel closer each day to HOME, more glimpses all the time. Thank you Lauren for your generosity for staying with us, guiding us-a true beacon and dare I say HERO! LOVE YOU!!!

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  32. I've been wandering around in mind fog for a while now so I missed out on some of your recent posts. I woke up feeling like someone shut off my flow of morphine today. So I decided to utilize my increase in clarity to churn through your post(^-^) As always you manage to hit the nail head. Thank You Lauren

    and thanks for mentioning Blue Rays :D

    Caleb S

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  33. Thanks to everyone for the optimism. Things have started to shift a little since last month, for the positive. I was asked to be on a talk program, just won a short term contract (my cash flow says, "Phew, thank you Universe!!") and have high-level interviews on Monday for a job that would mean I could support my kids and I would have the kind of platform I want for social change. Like Alexeya, however, I feel so conditioned by the last years of road blocks, disappointments and negativity, that I'm struggling. I'm glad to read about everyone's pending triumphs - and I'm looking forward to riding this wave. Thanks! Jenn

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  34. Oh it is always so great when I see your post pop up on my email. Bang on as usual. You truly are one in a million.

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  35. As I sit with swollen breast and tender nipples, I am ready for this birth-on all levels- new projects, new place to land, new family, new me....
    Thank u
    Love,
    Lynn

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  36. What I thought was happening felt like anxiety, pulsing in past life issues and all other back ground noise of life. It's like everything being squeezed at once at optimal capacity. I was guided this a.m. that my need to ground is great...to eat red meat (which opposes the diet I have been given by guidance) yet they know how hard it is to get through these high frequency times. The push-pull scenario really makes one feel out of their mind at times. I do alot of giving to Earth out my obvious abundance of light (excess) and in our process of letting go and accellerating, our tears do help too. Thank you Lauren and all who are here to heal the whole. I am not alone, yet I need a human support system who understands this day and age. My heart is in you all.

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  37. Great point Natalie...thank you for mentioning the need to eat red meat. This is an area of conflict for some who are undergoing the biological upgrades and be-lie-ve that eating vegetarian/vegan is the "right" way to purify the body, or have issues with animal welfare.

    Not everyone will require meat, but those who do will absolutely know that meat is required to make it thru some of the more intense upgrades/downloads.

    I have worked with many people in the past who became gravely ill and anemic due to their beliefs about eating animals when the body was screaming for it. In all cases, they were returned to a state of balance after incorporating meat into their diet.

    I can't stress enuf how important it is to listen to our bodies above all else. It knows far more than we "think" we do.

    Cheers

    p.s. and thank you for to all for the LOVE (emails and comments) regarding the passing of Chloe...the hole in my heart is starting to close, tho it is still very tender from the wound : (( All in all, a very important part of my journey, and one that I know ultimately I will be grateful for. xo

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  38. Lauren et al, I have stepped out from anything spiritual for about four weeks now, after a life-altering oneness experience, the loneliest experience ever because there was nothing beyond me. I felt like a jellyfish for days after it, just focusing on grounding myself with anything mundane. I stopped channeling and reading channelings, apart from one; Lauren's messages are still meaning-full, as they have always been.
    I am learning to become a part of this world again. My parents told me some weeks ago that they felt that they had lost me for years. It is true, the process took everything. But now I am integrating into this world fast. No losing energies when around people, no fear, no doubt. Just strenght.
    A warm hello to all old friends from various forums from Asta/Luxonia.
    And Lauren, Thank You!!!

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  39. Today was one of the worst days yet for me emotionally. And I know I say that a lot! March first brought in a huge rage response from me, I was described later as a "banshee." It seemed to clear a lot out at the time and I even moved into a somewhat apathetic/restricted space yesterday, but I woke up this morning severely depressed and it has only gotten worse. I just feel so empty, meaningless, sad, agonized, hopeless, powerless... and the reflection has been an ugly one. Khai, I too got told I need to "move out ASAP" (with nowhere to go). And now apparently there are new financial issues... and there is other family drama going on...

    It is all just so exhausting. March definitely came in like a lion and hasn't let up yet for me. I have to be honest with you guys, if I wasn't doing this to save the universe and find true love, there is NOTHING that could convince me to go through the past four years again. Nothing. Even if it was for those reasons again, I would need to take a 1,000 year break before I would feel ready once more... maybe longer. And of course it's not even over yet.

    I just... this depression, it is almost stunning in how raw and intense it is. There is nothing specific in my "external" life causing it - not even the kickout threats, because it started earlier than that and I've been receiving them for years. If anything, I think their reactions simply show how much everyone subconsciously detests this energy I'm currently processing.

    Unreal. The physical stress and anxiety aren't fun either. I've been freaking out a little. My forehead has been throbbing in different places nonstop.

    I am very afraid of how much WORSE this might get before we break through... I don't feel ready for it, either. I don't know what to expect. Not sure if anyone else is going through something like this... very scary.

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  40. @Ava -
    Today the word "banshee" occurred to me when I was thinking about myself and my day. You're not alone this week.

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  41. Thank you Lauren for all these messages thru years, itˇs really nice to know that i am not alone in this roller coaster :) we have so similar experiences. It¨s really nice to read you:)) Love& Light ,namaste

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  42. Greeting Lauren - this is the 1st time I've read your words (fwd to me by a dear friend). You're a darn good writer, and all of it resonates. In gratitude, I offer a reminding-factor: When all is said and done, remembered and released, We have no cause for fussing, the Heart is at peace.
    Kristy

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  43. Hi All!

    I relate with Lauren because of her loss (´ve been nearly dead my self several times and having loss father, brothers, friends). This emptyness and loosing sense!

    I realte so, so, soooo much with Ava and Luxonia.

    Now, I might understand better that is peace warriors, and not judgers and hard rigid people like me.

    Maybe, feel better grounded once in a while!

    Thank you so much, Lauren, for having this place to read, reflect and share (belonging feelings some times are for me, here and there!).

    Kisses and Ómetéotl to all is my wish (knowing the God in me and recognizing the God in You).

    Rín

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  44. I must be one of those blues getting ready to shoot out of a cannon cause I certainly FEEL that way since Tuesday. A lot has come on my plate. Im a bit scared shitless as they say but Im doing my best to side swipe what little ego left that is holding back the path I am being called to go down. I redid my site by the way Lauren, youll like it. :-)

    Cry. I can feel it.... Joy... Holding on and getting ready for an entirely new ride.


    http://www.growingupindigo.com

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  45. "Parallel moves," huh? So others have gone through this as well?!

    Yes, I feel the energy building up. But as for what is coming or what to do, NOTHING. What to do? Nothing. Where to go? Nothing. Who to contact? Nothing. Absolutely NO ideas in the noggin. Anybody else like this? Am I being asked to put myself into something beyond me?

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  46. Always enjoy your insights, Lauren. Thank you! And I just had to share something with you. This morning I got a newsletter from BBS Radio and there was a typo in one of the radio program announcements that went something like this (and I quote so please forgive the "profanity"):

    "The development of Disclosure, First Contact and the Changes that are taking place on Gaea to prepare us for the great Shit, leading to the Ascension of Humankind."

    Hehe! :)

    Much Love,
    Sheryl L.

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  47. Love it, Sheryl. The great shit indeed. Lauren, we need you, and I thank you for giving so much of yourself. Thank you for sharing your personal life with us. Thank you for your amazing insight. Thank you, family, for sharing. Gratitude's about all I've got going right now. Kay

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  48. The great shit!!!Ha,ha,ha,..that's what it feels like!
    Thanks Sheryl for that great laugh!
    Patric..I'm with ya on the nothing thing...it will come
    Ava, hang in there..remember that much of that yucky stuff is not yours, try to just let it flow through, it will get better. Your doing great and I appreaciate you.
    Thank you all for your sharing, I am so greatful for this place!
    I am so tired and head is pounding again...it's couch time!
    Love to you all!

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  49. Ava
    I feel like crap too, the anxiety and physical stuff is just getting to me, tonight i am exhausted.
    Funny I was going to ask, I have had some strange feelings in my forehead too, a pressure smack in the middle a couple of times, was told in the past this is your third eye.... i wonder?
    i just feel like im in one big bad mood.... my anxiety is just out of control....
    i keep forgetting to say sorry to you Lauren about your Chloe(sp?), I too lost my kitty on Halloween of 2009, he went out one afternoon and he never came back, I posted signs everywhere, i dont know what happened, just wish i knew :(
    I too am grateful for this outlet to talk to you guys and read what youre going through xoxo

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  50. I can see that, Lauren.

    I've been vegetarian for about 5 years and I'm vegan now, but that's because that's what makes my body feel the best.

    I did eat meat for a short period last year when my body wanted it, but I only needed fish and some chicken.

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  51. thank you lauren!

    i can relate to every single word.

    there is not a single piece of my life (& body) that is not currently waiting for a breakthrough of some kind.

    love to you all,
    nicole

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  52. re: Ava and all the troubled souls!

    I am in connection with some people on this blog on a more personal level, committed to help each other in troubled times and celebrate the little victories together as well.
    Here is my email address again for those who feel to connect: b.komolka@yahoo.com

    re: Lauren Right on.....got the same info a day before you posted. Thank you!
    I feel with you, I lost my companion, my dog Lilah, a few months ago, had to put her to sleep. It hurt a lot!

    Dara

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  53. Hi All!

    Just step by to say I feel like you feel. This dying thing, the pain, the no reaction thing. Breathing, breathing, breathing! Sometimes, light. Some others, just shit, really. This miasma is... just what it is!

    Love, embraces, empathy and understanding!

    Thanks Lauren. You are like an ice breaker, really!

    Rín

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  54. Lauren, what a fantastic bit of writing! Well said, well said! You are such a sister and a joy and I am grateful. You demonstrate and express so wonderfully such authenticity, humour, elegance of expression, vision, inspiration, transparency, joy!
    Thank you!
    In lak'ech (I am another yourself)
    Melovia Red Crystal Moon

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  55. Thanks to everyone for your words of support. I cannot express how much I appreciate you guys not judging me - I am getting so much of that from everywhere else in my life!

    This has been truly the week from hell. It is as if on March 1, someone turned on an energetic firehouse inside me and it is pushing EVERYTHING left to the surface that is still blocked. Problem is, I have to go through one layer to get to the next, on and on ad nauseum like the last 4+ years, getting more and more intense with still no word from spirit on when this is going to end and what my next step is - not that spirit ever talks to me directly (I intuit through emotions), but I figure one of these days I'm bound to break through to the other side?!?

    Sunday and Monday: shock, confusion, disappointment after a family-related revelation - everyone's involved so I'm not alone at least. Felt nauseous, tired, and blah.

    Tuesday and Wednesday: major rage days after the aforementioned "banshee" incident and converstaion which precipitated it. Tuesday I did not leave my room all day and could not eat anything because I was so angry.

    Thursday: waking up with miserable depression and later transitioning into massive terror. Unbelievable terror. Finally breaking through into grief, and only then is some understanding/compassion shown to me, but only on the condition that I agree to get therapy.

    Friday & Saturday: more terror and depression, feeling worthless, lonely, adrift

    Today: woke up still feeling low but not as bad. Tried to be productive. Then I just got triggered into rage again after hearing for the millionth time, "the ONLY thing you need to do is be able to support yourself independently! What is wrong with you?" Compassion/understanding instantly revoked.

    Not one of these feelings or issues is new to me, and I have covered this ground so many times and I'm so bored and sick of it. The energies are extremely palpable/undeniable now and I feel them in not just an emotional but an intensely physical way. It does appear that the cycle is speeding up tremendously - I wonder if I will break through to a new space on March 9th, or will this continue for some time?

    I'm waiting for the day when I cover all of this same ground in about 5 minutes. It took months, prior to this.

    Oh and I also have some horrible spitirual jerkoff who swears he's my soulmate and that he "needs me" breathing down my neck, terrifying me and not giving me any peace or space to try to work through this. Great. Although I know he is involved somehow, I can feel it... still, I don't appreciate the added pressure, guilt, and expectations.

    Anyway, how are all you guys doing? :-P Fun times!

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  56. i still feel no movement for me, once in a while i get a little energy, signed up to sell desginer jeans at home parties, havent started yet but i go back and forth on whether i made a good choice or if i even want to do this, but i cant seem to find a job so i thought id try this...
    my anxiety is still bad, today so far its ok, the boyfriend, still issues, had a fight the other day, havent seen him in days, although this is how its been for us for years, when i met him it was like he was my soul mate, twin soul, but slowly over the years, the things he's done to me, things that hurt me, i just will never understand, and i dont understand how i could hold my love for him through it all, but i think im finally giving up, i just cant take the fighting, and the things he says to me, after ive been so loving and giving and forgiving, ive never done one bad thing to him, and he has done so much, its just a big mess, and i keep trying and trying, but im losing my grip now...
    i felt like crap sat night, thought i was coming down with something, my stomach was upset, and i just felt crappy, dizzy, etc... i just feel like im in a cloud, foggy, no energy, sort of depressed...
    i just know there is more out there for me, i just cant find it...
    im confused about the divine timing, the universe will give us what we need, am i not doing something right? maybe im being lazy, or im waiting for something to fall in my lap, or should i be out there busting my nuts to find something, or should i be doing something even though i dont want to be doing it, just to pay the bills, i mean of course i will have to at some point if i am going to lose my house or can feed myself...
    im just at a loss right now

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  57. I think some of that shifting (I remembered the "f," right, 'cause otherwise, well...?!)from the pain body to the light body is happening, and/or the unseens have downloaded into me again. Things have been popping up in my consciousness over the past couple of weeks. The words pathpaver and wayshower have dropped in a few times. This is really the first time that I am indeed a pathpaver has really stuck in me a found a home within, so to speak. But the first time I tried to concentrate on it, it was like something was REALLY fighting it. Another thing that's popped in is the unseens themselves. I reminder that they are with me, I suppose. That I'm living in a gestation chamber is another thing that's come in recently.

    Just this morn as I was thinking that much of this involves going fully into the body, I got another quasi-visual download, clearing showing what full incarnation means. It means having a real and extremely vital connection to the Earth, as well as the heavens. I mean VITAL connection to Earth. I also got a look at what being separated has done to people's connection to Earth, or rather the lack of connection, and how it's caused civilizations' mass consciousness to bubble out into these putrid black masses in the air.

    I get the feeling that others, along with myself, are getting these downloads to help us with the transition to "out there." I am joyful for today's lil' lesson. It has given me such a deeper understanding of unity, integration, and what it entails. And I'm also so grateful to "them" for reminding me about being a pathpaver, 'cause I think its something my ego-pain body/skin really hates.

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  58. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  59. said...

    What can I say? I believe I expressed WOW, Holy Shit, OH my god, and LOL, more than when I watched Avatar.

    This post was nothing like I have ever read before. One day I will be sharing this synchronicity with the world past energetics.

    Thank you so much Lauren! I am so much gratitude and love!

    LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!

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  60. I hear ya slg8. While this update really resonated w/me, I also feel like (especially today), I'm tired of hearing "we're almost there". We've been hearing that for soooo long. And yet, ickiness abounds: aches, pains, migraines, foggy brained, fatigue, etc.

    I keep on 'keeping on' because that's what we do in this process, but I'm TIRED, mentally, emotionally, and sure as hell physically.

    I find myself wondering lately "Am I sure this is for real? Is this just something I've been telling myself all these years to feel like I've got a purpose and to explain away stuff that can't otherwise be explained?". Because all these things that are supposed to be happening, well, they aren't.

    Is anyone else out there feeling this???

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  61. Colleen
    Totally. I have always doubted if i was in "this group"...but i also have always felt there was something more, and then i started getting into the energy work, reiki, other metaphysical things... so i figure im different than some? alot of things do make sense and i feel like my life goes along with alot of the energy reports... but yeah, just wonder if this is all real, am i sitting waiting for something that might not happen? and all the bad things have happened tfor me to learn lessons or grow or whatever, and that i will be able to manifest what i want eventually etc.. i dont know, im just feeling crappy right now, like im stuck, ive been sitting in my pajamas for days, just watching TV, surfing the internet, bored out of my mind...wishing something would happen....my latest thing is pain across the top of my back, im pretty sure its just tension from stress, but geez....

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  62. slg8... Your profile does not have a link to your e-mail, so I have to post a response to you here.

    I don't know if this is okay, saying any of this to you, especially with me stil so in "it" and all. But I AM supposed to be a pathpaver.

    But... You are in, lady. You're In Like Flynt. What you're going through with your boyfriend is proof enough. It's a scenario among us. I've been through it and am at the ending of it.

    ...I hope... HAH!

    Why with the loved ones coming at us like this? Well, at least partly it's to break down the barriers of self to enable growth. You are after all aiming to go into a "reality" that goes beyond this culture's idea of selfhood. And believe me, the "thing" we have about the self goes back a long ways and is one tough lil' putrid tick to pull out. And yeah, what you've been going through is needed, at least if you are not aware of what's going on. Now that you are aware, what now? I dunno. What would have been the affect on me if someone had told me or had written about it. But they didn't. But that's why I'm a wayshower, I suppose.

    And the feeling sick? No worries. Probably just from a solar flare or storm or somethin'. Again, that makes you In Like Flynt.

    And the supplying or not supplying you with what you need? Wwwweeelllllll... What you think you need and what your guides/universe supply you with can be rrreeeaaalllyyyy different! I'm left with just a couple of suitcases of things, literally not even a penny to my name, for instance.

    But you ARE IN!!!! You ARE one of "us." What you're going through IS OKAY, believe it or not!

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  63. Patrick
    thank you xoxo
    OMG what ive been going through with him, its the most insane thing i can ever imagine, well im sure not, but its crazy! i cant believe some of the crap! im not one to toot my own horn but ive been good to him, and if i have not its a direct result of being pushed too far by him and losing my patience, not because im a mean or bad person. im aware that its a pattern of sorts for me... :/ but i just think it sucks to have to go through it... cuz i dont want to give up on it, but i almost have to...
    I dont consider myself a sickly person either but some things here and there, but mostly my anxiety is just out of control...
    well it sounds like you are ready to go! cant take it all with you, couple of suitcases and youre all set ;)
    Thank you so much...xo

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  64. so i heard there is a last wave of ascension today, and im afraid i will miss it if i cant let go of this relationship sitiution :(

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  65. Rock on Lauren!

    Love You!

    THUN DAH!@#!@#!#

    WHOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHHHHH

    Chris

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  66. Colleen:
    I'm apparently "in the same boat" as you are. Wondering if this is all real, and if so when will it end...Tired of aches & pains, anxiety, etc. It can't all be part of the aging process (in my case, as I'm 73, but in good health otherwise). Maybe the Equinox will bring some relief???

    So grateful for Lauren's writings, and all the others on this blog!

    Love to all.

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  67. Hi Beverly!

    I agree, I'm so grateful for Lauren and all the others who comment. I feel better too after talking to one of my sisters today. When I explained what I was feeling, she said she was feeling the exact same way lately. That at her core, she 'knows' this is true, but in the last week or so finds herself doubting.

    I'm wondering if this isn't the 'darkest before the dawn' scenario? Any last little bit of doubts we have, no matter how deep-seated, are being exposed.

    I am feeling somewhat better this afternoon/evening, so let's hope things are starting to shift again for us!!

    Fingers crossed that we're feeling the Love Euphoria again soon!!

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  68. Oh Colleen....Love Euphoria. ugh. i havent felt that in a LLOOOOONG time(a couple months)

    i cant WAIT.

    Right now I'm feeling totally at peace.

    I WAS freaking the FUCK out earlier last night and the day before and the day before, and a little bit for about a week or so before that.

    I was REALLY on edge and just frustrated and angry and burning and dying and burning some more. It sucked ASS.

    But then I channeled all those vibes into the only thing that makes me feel centered; I wrote a song.

    and it was a good ass industrial/gothic/electronic/epic song with soaring strings and deafening beats and emotionally agonizing pulsing synths.

    its pretty great. I had had writer's block for about 2 weeks and i was going NUTS trying to figure out how to vent steam and the universe had blocked out EVERYTHING else. I had no way to express any of my energy AT ALL. and then when i finally quit freaking out thanks to my friend, Wendy B, I just soaked in the tub, washed myself, and then started writing.

    Also, I met two cute boys who are my age and in my wave :D so that really cheered me up. we're all about 20. we can all feel that our time is almost coming to lead the charge and start this beautiful revolution.

    I absolutely love connecting with people in my wave. it's very rare so when it happens I feel so much better.

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  69. @Ava

    is there some way to vent the energy that you havent been doing?

    trust me i know how it feels. 0.0

    my mom is constantly trying to get me to go to therapy or start taking medication. i dont need it. and now i've managed fine.

    out of curiosity, are there any past traumas you havent healed?

    i know for me, my child abuse was something i didnt even think about because it had happened so long ago and i didnt give a shit, but i just kept getting sick and reacting VIOLENTLY to these energies and my repressed emotions started to bubble up.

    and then next thing i know im spending a year having nightmares and crying and screaming and finally i healed from it and i'm SUPER HIGH and totally at peace.

    idk if there's anything you havent looked over or what but maybe there's something there you havent looked at before. i'm not trying to blame you or anything. its just the only thing i can think of to try to help.

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  70. Hi Souls!

    It has been difficult for all of us! I can relate in this 0 position (with no energy at all, not neutral but lazy). I can relate with this horrible stories of seeing a soul mate, where i let others to hurt me so bad. I have lived the Banshee -Llorona, or The Cryer, in Mexico- many times. I am not able to control anyone... but I expect so much!

    My let´s say boyfriend, with whom I translate valuable literature, wants to change days on which we meet to write down that literature... and wants to say when we see each other and when he wants to go away from the city to rest. And I know that I would have say yes to anything he wanted me to do... to keep peace, to convey with him. Terrible. I said for the first time and not making a tantrum: No, Javier. I don´t really feel like moving around and changing home, children, work agendas because of your times and your agenda. When we can work, is fine. If we are not able to work further, fine. I let go!

    And he keeps "anchoring" me, but not being direct of what he wants in this relation... very strange.

    And all the changes here, at the office: we are going to other premises, in a filial company (Siete Colores, Seven Colors; related with Rainbow: in these times!). And I just pray God to keep working and being creative and to stop relating with people been a victim...

    Lauren! Thank you for this place where we are able to relate and to express!

    Bliss to All with All my heart!

    Rín

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  71. with all due respect to who told me i may miss the wave this time i around if i dont let go of something, it just doesnt sit right with me, and im battling over really? if i dont do that i wont ascend? i hope thats not the case... not a good feeling :/
    i know ive read alot of leaving certain things behind...but man...i guess that means im not ready? but i am! i want to be....i think im freaking out

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  72. slg8 - I wouldn't worry about it, I certainly don't! I don't plan to leave this planet anytime soon. To me it's much less of an ascension and much more of a descension - meaning the heavens are coming down to Earth and not the other way around. Not every part of spirit enjoys this and some are kicking and screaming and hurling pointless insults, I find. Anyway that's just my take on it but maybe it will let you know you're not alone. :-) I would focus on trying to heal those fears/doubts with yourself though by means of acceptance and telling that part of you it will be okay.

    Khai - I appreciate the input, thankfully these past few days have been MUCH better, like a million times better - still not great, I still don't feel "good", but I'm comparing this to having felt the worst in my life so I really can't complain at the moment! I find that trying to remember old stuff doesn't really work for me - I know I have trauma from past lifetimes, maybe childhood, but I can't access the memories, just the feelings. I guess maybe that's all I really need to work with them, I wonder if remembering that stuff might give me a big, unneccessary victim complex and revenge vendetta or something. I already have enough of that from what I DO remember! Nah, it's tough. I feel like it's always been a matter of letting the pain/trauma/blocked energies come to the surface, bless them, and allow them the space to heal. It's just there have been so, so many layers it seemed like there would never be an end. I'm still not sure there is, except tonight I suddenly feel different. I was in the grocery store exhausted helping my mom shop and thinking about how much I hate this guy, couldn't help it, hate hate hate for how he has treated me and then suddenly my hatred somehow broke through into something else entirely... something almost positive? It was really weird. And when I got back in the car with Mom she did her usual rant about the economy and how I'm a shiftless f*ckup and lazy and all that and I noticed I took it MUCH less personally than I usually do... usually I have this awful sense of dread, guilt, and self-hatred as if I am personally responsible for the state of the economy, increased food and gas prices, etc etc. That is how it has always been for me - I have never known another way except to internalize her anger.

    And now I wonder if what I needed all along was to accept my OWN anger, which I felt towards the guy... it just feels like something changed, in a good way.

    And now my pet peeve du jour - tonsil stones! Anyone else get them? Disgusting. I don't think I was getting them before, I think it's partly because I started eating more meat again (was pescatarian for 3 years). I also constantly have phlegm/mucus in my throat, not as bad as it sometimes is but I know it is not helping this situation. Is this a problem for anyone else?

    I hope in the end this will all have been worth it. I hope it comes soon. I hope I can feel good again...

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  73. ugh that sux. tonsil stones are GROSS. never had them, but i HAVE woken up numerous times with a thick layer of acrid and foul mucus stuck to the roof of my mouth and on my tongue. its like torture. as soon as i wake up, i have to scrape it out with tissue. it makes me want to cry.

    but i havent had that in a while. thank fucking god. 0.0

    good to hear you're feeling better. i am too.

    i hear that tonight is gonna be a really significant shift when uranus goes into aries.

    the last time uranus went into anything was pisces, and that was when my life shifted polarity from being happy, fun, financially successful and amazing, to that of utter chaos. basically, ascension started to kick in. x_x

    hey, who knows, maybe this new cycle wont obliterate my sense of joy.

    i'm in the same boat, ava. i'm such a fuckin loser. i live with my dad. luckily i dont cost shit. i barely eat and he doesnt give me any money. he's a lawyer and cant find work. i feel like my energy has affected my parents because they seem to become losers a month or two after i became a loser.

    so i'm here in my childhood room, incubating...not up to much else. i've been writing music, but mostly just surfing the net, looking at pictures and reading news articles about people who actually live their lives instead of gestating in their parents' house.

    at least i'm only 19. i'd feel worse about it if i were older*


    *i can't actually feel any worse about it because i dont give a shit anymore and everything sucks

    so yeah. totally dead. my slate has been cleaned. i have a killer migraine right now and i havent had one of those in FOREVER.

    but you know, ava, sometimes it helps just to bitch. i bitch as often as i need to and it's very cathartic for me.

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  74. I can't imagine you being given a hard time at 19 - I'm practically 29! Although this process for the last 4 years has felt as if I've been going through a latent adolescent rebellion phase (I was always the "responsible one" growing up). And I lived out of the house for most of my 20's, but given the way my mother talks about me, you'd think I'd been here the whole time. I'd say cumulatively it's still been less than 2 years at this point (1 year this last round), but it does feel like forever. The only people who really think I'm a screwup are family members. My mother seems to think that all of her problems will magically resolve and happiness will descend upon her if she can just get me and my brother OUT. I dunno, maybe she's right...

    Again, why I timed this ascension blast with my Saturn Return, I cannot begin to fathom. I feel like I've been having it since before I turned 25!

    I just wish I knew for certain that this process was real and was heading somewhere good. I know, I know, how can you doubt something that you feel so obviously and that other people feel as well and have shared symptoms etc etc? I guess I am that negatively conditioned and that doubtful - I would rather just believe in the worst than be taken by surprise. Or I expect to be smacked down by the universe after having it happen so, so many times. Hope is like a cruel trick. I may as well stay grounded. If it's going to happen, why do I need to adopt a different attitude? Why do I need to act like a kid who keeps being told "Christmas is coming tomorrow!" and get excited and then wake up to no presents? Am I an idiot? How many times do I put myself through that before I say "no more?"

    I guess it's just hard to put much stock in something like this (ascension) when the people surrounding me, whose existence and "tolerance of me" I still depend upon, are SO anti-anything like this, although they sometimes pay a phony lip service to God or whatever. I always thought I was trying to do the right thing by them, and now I'm not so sure. Conforming to their ways seemed like the safer option, and what they wanted, but ultimately it has only made me feel dead inside.

    This is not how I usually talk and I'm not even sure where this is coming from. Maybe a lost fragment resurfacing or something. I just don't know anymore, my brain feels like mush. I guess this is more depression energy surfacing. Fun fun...

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  75. Ava
    yeah i get that, but im afraid im not going to move forward with the pack if i cant figure this situation out, im aware that it might not be a good situation for me but im not ready to let go of it yet, and to me its unfair to not be included because of this, and its out of love on my part, i thought that was a good thing... but i guess old patterns and not being able to move past them and heal etc is part of this, which i think is what this is, i dont know, i guess im confused...i didnt like feeling like i had to give up because i wouldnt ascend, it just didnt seem right or ok

    wow tonsil stones, never heard of it , i use to get strep really bad as a kid and boy was that painful...

    ive been out of work since sept 08, and im amazed ive been able to support myself this long, although that seems to be coming to and end soon, of course it was with the help of unemployment, retirement money and my parents, but would i have ever imagined being out of work this long, no way, and now it feels like its going to be so hard to go back if i can eer find a job...had to live with my parents for a year, not really due to money but that wasnt so much fun, now im the house they bought me, again another crazy thing that happened and a long story, i just want to be able to pay for it myself, not burden them with my money problems....

    i too have feelings of not giving a shit anymore, but i guess i cant say everything sucks, im still floating...i too have a feeling of incubating...im starting to feel like i need to come out of my shell...

    so sad what people in japan and possibly hawaii and coast of CA are going through today
    makes my problems seem so stupid....


    xoxo

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  76. Ava
    I too have been conditioned to be doubtful, and sometimes negative...
    and i have only 1 friend that i can talk to about all this ascension stuff, but she is way ahead of me, or it seems that way, and i guess im still stuck to a point, if you look over that last few years you can see the good things that happened, that were what i wanted, but then you see the bad or just the not so great, but its hard when everyone else would think youre nuts if you told them about all this, and i just find it hard to believe im the only one in my immediate surroundings and friends that is into this? of course im sure there are people that i dont know about for some of us are afraid to stir up a conversation about this to find out if there is anyone.... and yes there are workshops and groups i can go to to be with like minded people but why doesnt anyone i know besides that one person feel like this or believe in this?

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  77. For those feeling it:

    "March 9th ended with a powerful X-class solar flare...After four years without any X-flares, the sun has produced two of the powerful blasts in less than one month: Feb. 15th and March 9th. This continues the recent trend of increasing solar activity"...http://www.spaceweather.com/

    I suspect that the major x-class flare also had something to do with the 8.9 earthquake/tsunami in Japan today...

    Today is an 11:11 Star Gate day and the day when Uranus (the Great Awakener) officially enters Aries.

    two words: holy cow

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  78. Thanks Lauren!

    Yeah, I initially sensed it in my solar plexus like butterflies in my stomach on 3/9 that turned into heart burn, digestive issues, frequent bathroom visits, and abdominal cramps by the evening of 3/10 and then a full on emotional upheaval that resulted in my sobbing like a baby saying "I want to go HOME" I was so HOMEsick and craving comfort foods especially CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM (death by chocolate) right before crawling in my bed turning the tv on fox news and curling up, clinging to my pillows and seeing the BREAKING NEWS!!! Earthquake and Tsunami in Japan that was initally reported as 7.1 then 8.8 and now 8.9 Whoa...No Wonder.

    Surprisingly, I feel good this morning. No physical aches and pains or disorientation. Just sending loving and healing thoughts/prayers to all who are effected by these events.

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  79. i have noticed something different the last fews days or so, late sat night sun i had the digestive issues, upset stomach, etc, and for a couple of days it seemed mostly after i ate dinner which doesnt usually happen to me, i have a pretty strong stomach, but ive been having some burning, that would get worse the more stressed i would get, right under where my ribcage meets in the middle.... the most noticable is my anxiety, i still have it but ive had a hell of time the last couple of days, but my anxiety held off, yes i had a few beers, which can help that , but lately it hasnt, so it not getting to the point where i cant control and have to take a lorazepam makes me unbelievably happy, and i just feel more calm than i have in a long time, almost like im moving past my severe anixety spell ive been having since i think last april, the only thing ive been noticing different about my anxiety on the bad side the last few days was intense tightening across the top of my back, painful, but would come and go depending on my stress level, and i know TMI but one of the things that was bothering me feeling like i was going to have a heart attack during sex, my anxiety was causeing wicked heart palps and it was getting in the way of enjoying it or even wanting to have it, and happy to say today i just had some amazing sex and i felt great, no issues, sort of feel normal again... so happy.... i definately feel like something is changing... so today i feel good :)
    Mys...glad to hear you feel good this morning!

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  80. i cant freaking wait. i had two beers to celebrate uranus going into aries.

    i got nicely buzzed #lightweight

    yay for stargates. haha.

    lol Sig, I'm so jealous. I havent ever had amazing sex, and i havent had regular sex in FOREVER. UGH!

    the universe doesnt want me exchanging energy with anybody right now....


    oh man ava i know how it feels. lol. like its not how you always feel, but at that moment it just comes up and you're like RAWR

    it doesnt really matter what age we are or even what we're doing. to those people, we're fuckups no matter what, and thats why i dont value their opinion.

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  81. Oh Souls, dear Lauren!

    Those words were exactly the ones I was going to use: Holy Christ, Holy cow!

    I feel scared and insecure. Mi inner guide (mayan) is precisely Earth and (moon opp.moon in 12th) I feel not right!

    I want to cry, but feel not able to and know that I have to change and USE power, but I am still affraid (just to change my self). Feel that the upcommings are like Everest and don´t feel secure to surmount (though, little by little and on a day basis... maybe)!

    Scared to death!!! (maybe this just what i should do: die!

    I feel sorry for them and I cannot stand on my feet properly. Breathing is not helping... and it is just the beginning...

    Yesterday, I felt confident. And today, I am a mess, totaly, though I am by my self, so... better, I guess!

    Thank you for having this place to express and thankyou for telling us what´s up (11-11, of course!).

    Be well all of you and you, Lauren!

    Rín

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  82. Ava: Yes, Sinuses and tons of phlegm several months running.

    Any clue: My body seems to be on fire since tuesday; lots of sweat, I go all day without a shirt - I just hope and pray this is the releasing of the excessive grounding water.
    tom.

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  83. ugh me too. fire fire fire. also: boredom

    i dont think i've ever NOT had sinus issues. there's really no explanation for it other than my nose is allergic to the very air i breathe 0.0

    haha tom without a shirt??? :P

    i guess let's just stay grounded people. nuttin else to do.

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  84. Khai: I live alone for the past several years, hence no colors to hide.
    I`ve been like banned from living external life (house arrest), hijacked from the human experience,.......................
    I`ll really love to reparticipate !!!

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  85. Was there another solar flare last night or today?!?!?! I am trying to read spaceweather.com. I can only tell by how I am feeling that something is going on and it feels like Solar Flare to me with the hot flashes and acute sweating and FATIGUE. (Oh yeah and weird dreams.)

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  86. X-ray Solar Flares
    6-hr max: B9 1501 UT Mar13
    24-hr: C6 1333 UT Mar13

    What the hell does this mean?

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  87. i was gonna ask the same thing earlier only because of a very tense situation i was in last night, something was up for sure...
    im still just over the moon that for whatever reason the anxiety or whatever it was that i was having for what seems like a year has just vanished, strange, but awesome

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  88. Hi Lauren,

    Since the 11th, I have been enduring such a mix of emotion and thought, it is a new kind of difficult for me.

    I have been thinking a lot about what we should be focusing on during this time of great change. It seems to have been much much much easier dealing with my own little world falling apart. Watching the world of others fall apart so forcefully has been difficult, especially knowing that this moment and time is what we have been working towards and waiting for.

    I am guessing that we should be paying as little attention as possible to the world right now? Although I know it is all absolutely perfect it has still been difficult to surrender completely to.

    Any word on how we should be managing all of this change along with our own personal transitions into our new lives? Such a mish mosh of sadness and what could "maybe??" be called happiness. LOL

    Thanks!!
    Nicole

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  89. Lauren... I sent you an email from my Hotmail account (zack williams). I hope you get it.

    I cant say when I will get My abundance, but it will not be long.

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  90. i understand divsy. it's LIKE i'm under house arrest. i've totally been living that life.

    Today I realized that in my heart of hearts, I know 100% that I am not meant to continue.

    I came here to do a job. I did it. It's finished. Now it's time for me to go home.

    I spent the day mourning the death of everything outside of this moment in space and time.

    It was heartbreaking. I couldn't even cry, and the sky cried for me.

    Rain came down in torrents and flooded the streets. I walked in the rain and I was the rain.

    Now I am totally at peace. I know that it is the will of the harmonic universe and of my own heart that I should die. I do not know how or when, and I don't plan to take my own life, but I have completely surrendered to this death.

    It was an interesting journey. I loved all the people that were a part of it. I'm glad that we succeeded and I hope it makes all the difference.

    I have no place here anymore. The universe has made it clear that I am not supported in this environment, and I have to leave.

    I feel peaceful, but still sad. I really wanted so many things. I wanted them with all my heart and soul, and I never even got to taste.

    Be grateful for the earthly things you've experienced, because I have always wanted to, and never could.

    I am not allowed.

    I feel closer to home now. Like somewhere in the stars, a new place is being prepared for me, somewhere far away. I will go home, and be happy. Now I cherish each moment here, because it may very well be my last. No more anger, no more pain, no more crying and wanting to play.

    I just sit here in my room, waiting for my body to become my tomb.

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  91. A small message that came my way yesterday;

    "On the 20th March 2011 we will come face to face with our greatest fear; human extinction ...

    This is a time when we will be asked to choose - between fear and Love. There will be further opportunities ...

    There is no death."

    This is exciting times; casting aside our individual dramas and stories and becoming ... who knows what? I just know I have gone round in enough circles within my head to be sure that my Heart holds a much more fulfilling existence for me. If I need to explain, analyse or understand, it's out - it's much more peaceful that way.

    Love to you all at this amazing time
    x

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  92. Khai - I wouldn't necessarily leap to assumptions... this could be just another release cycle... you're sounding a bit martyrish/spacy. It doesn't sound as if you actually want to leave your body to me. You might have to cry and allow yourself to realize how much you actually love your body and want to remain in physically. I think that opening to that vulnerability will open a whole now door to self-love, but it might involve facing some survival terror. I am going through something really weird ATM that just started half an hour ago or so. My stomach started growling and rumbling and making all sorts of crazy noises. I would think I had food poisoning, but I didn't eat anything weird? Is it a sudden stomach bug? If I feel into it energetically, it feels like terror. Up in my chest, solar plexus - clenching terror. I don't want to leave here, and I know it. I love this body and this Earth and these people. But I may need to release some of this survival terror that I have held for so long, and that involves allowing myself to feel it. It's really scary and I have had a few incidents like this before, although not usually with so much stomach distress. I'm afraid and I don't want to die but it kind of feels like that a little. I hope it passes soon, I am trying to be compassionate towards myself in the meantime. So much panic, and it really came out of the blue this time!

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  93. I'm reading this channeling by Lee Harris right now and it's helping me to understand: http://leeharrisenergy.blogspot.com/

    Khai, didn't mean to sound insensitive there - what I really wanted to say is, don't give up on your body/Earth just yet. I mean I can't really say what's happening to you because I don't know, but it's possible that you are transmuting ancient survival terror or "primal fear" as Lee calls it. It doesn't mean you have to leave, and I hope you stay! Feel better, you're not alone in this... Xo Ava

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  94. Hey Khai...

    Are you there?

    ...
    Does anyone have updates from him?

    Love,
    Ivy

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  95. OK I am checking here to see if anyone else is experiencing excruciating lower back, hip and leg pain from grounding???

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  96. khai, sorry to hear you feeling that way, even though you say your at peace with it, it doesnt really sit right with me, im thinkin Ava is righton on the right track? i hope :)

    Mys.... mine is upper back, really really tight across the top and into my neck and head....some lower back but thats when i sleep wrong... the other is just during everyday stuff... my legs are a little sore, i think its from sitting around being lazy, i need to get moving.... spoke to soon, have had some anxiety the last 2 days, although not nearly as severe, but im pretty sure it s the BF... but hard to say for sure... but there def has been a change for sure

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  97. This is just insane right now. That is the only word I have for it - insane! After I wrote that post I had to lie down for a while and I had one of those heart palpitations that felt like I might be having a heart attack (as you said before, slg8!). Fortunately it wasn't the first time I'd had it, the first time I was worried that something was seriously wrong with me. Afterwards I had some really weird/freaky vivid, feverish dreams and woke up to a completely schizo email from a guy I used to talk to online and hadn't heard from in oh... probably 6 years or so?! And then last night I was out at trivia with a friend and this completely manic kid latched onto me, he knew my sister or something and would not leave me alone. And two days before I heard from a sort of former flame who's bipolar and was letting me know he's engaged. It is all just a bit much! I have always attracted people with these types of issues (not sexually attracted I mean, just in general) all my life and I am not sure why. I do not have any mania, my issues are all on the emotional end: anxiety, depression - I guess sometimes my worry can lead to spiraling thoughts, but it's not the same thing as I see in them. I am genuinely perplexed about what causes this - I even asked the kid last night and he thinks maybe it's because I let it, I am "too nice"? I am a good listener, he said? I think it is something energetic. I also attract gay men - most of my male friends are. But not lesbians! It's just weird right now because the patterns are becoming way more obvious so it's like, I know I need to pay attention but I can't figure out what it means...? I feel like it's my job to be nice to everyone because I had a rough time as a kid and I hated feeling left out. I'm also empathic so if someone's feelings are hurt, I feel it too and I worry about them. Sometimes I compromise myself because I'm afraid of someone's anger or rejection. I do that quite often, actually. There must be some way to break this cycle!

    Talk about major life issues surfacing! Slg8 I was jealous of you before when you talked about your amazing sex, it's been awhile for me at all and years since someone I cared about, then last weekend I linked up with this guy I met last fall and we hit it off, I like him so much, he's not manic (haha), we hooked up a little, I am hopeful it could go somewhere because I haven't really liked anyone in... oh 4 years!!! But I hate this awkward initial phase where you're trying to figure out "what is this? Should I initiate contact? Should I wait?" Etc etc. I'm also PMSing which REALLY doesn't help... and the full moon coming up and Equinox... arrrggghhhh. I guess all the drama is semi-entertaining at least. I get the feeling I need to start relinquishing some control and stop judging myself so hard and stop constantly trying to please everyone. It is as if I am clenched around this deep pain that I don't want to feel, but I need to allow myself to and then I won't have to fear it anymore... ugh I am not sure how.

    Khai - drop us a line soon, buddy!

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  98. Ava:

    Rose Rosetree's books Become the Most Important Person in the Room and Empowered by Empathy will help you as an empath so that your aura is not wide open and broadcasting a message that says "Hey come dump all your garbage on me!"

    Cut Cords of Attachment will help you also.

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  99. Ava
    so many things about us are alike, i dont have time to write right right now, but boy do i sympathize with you and the "what is this" feeling, and wondering if you should call or not, etc, why does it have to be so difficult, why cant we just really like someone no matter how long we've known them and want to call, and actually call and it not be clingy or psycho or whatever, the only answer i have for this is when its the right person, that stuff wont happen? i dont know, wish i had the answers.... ive been on the most insane roller coaster of my life for four years with my BF, i dont know how we go from me feeling like he is the one, soul mates, twin soulds, we are 1 person, to what ive had to go through with him... just alot, still trying to make it work and wondering if it will....
    ill check in later....take care

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  100. @Ava i'm having intense gurgling too. it's bubbling throughout my entire torso. really weird. my digestion has been weird lately. many many trips to the bathroom after some SERIOUS gurgling going on.

    i've been eating nothing but oatmeal...

    I don't know guys. I don't feel like I want to be in my body anymore. I don't want to be me anymore. I'm tired. I'm broken. I'm bleeding. I'm giving up. I can't take it anymore. I'm not that strong.

    I'm still really sad.

    I just woke up an hour ago with intense muscle soarness, as if I'd been lifting weights, which is contrary to my reality. I've just been sitting on my ass 24/7. I also have weird anxiety and sadness, both a physical feeling and an emotional feeling.

    I give up. I'm not cut out for this. I'm an ugly worthless freak. I don't belong here. Maybe I'll go home and be happy there? I don't know. But I'm tired of trying to fool myself into believing that somehow my life is going to change and that I'm going to become a different person and experience joy again. I can't see it happening. I don't FEEL it happening. I just feel myself holding onto to visions that will never be.

    It helps to listen to music. I'm going with avril lavigne's new album. it's very introspective and soft.

    If anyone's curious though, I got into Round Two of Charlie Sheen's intern search. I don't know whether or not that's significant. I read that a lot of people got accepted.

    I really have given up. I'm throwing a tea party next weekend just because I have nothing else to do and I found a shit load of different tea bags in my kitchen. I'm gonna make cookies and shit. It should be fun.

    For now I'm just feeling really disoriented. Every time I wake up, i feel like someone close to me has died and I feel like my world has suddenly changed again. I feel so disconnected and so lost. I don't know what to do. I don't even want to do anything anymore. I don't even want to have sex. I dont connect with anyone and I feel so dead.

    I really want to leave. Whether it's leaving this vibe and transforming or physically dying and incarnating on another planet, I have to leave.

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  101. this all has something to do with my throat chakra.

    i've been wearing ALL sky blue colors lately, with brown shoes, which happens to match my turquoise pendant with brown veins.

    also, my throat has been opening and feeling a lot of pressure and sensitivity. im constantly holding it as if even the air is irritating it.

    and now i'm in this haze.

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  102. and now i'm in this paradox vibe. it's weird.

    i feel all of that.

    but at the same time i feel this weird energetic resolution starting to crescendo

    it helps to listen to my new spring playlist that i made for my tea party.

    it also helps that i've added pino grigio, chardonnay, and limoncello to the menu at my tea party.

    we're getting ready to get drunk, get crunk, and get super gay.

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  103. Ryan - thank you for passing that along, I will definitely check her out!

    Slg8 - I think I have avoided anything remotely serious relationship-wise for the last 4 years because I know that they bring out all of these unresolved issues in me: insecurity, neediness, self-doubt even to the point of self-loathing, wondering why I'm not good enough, not enough, why am I controlling, why do I feel like I'm this walking wound that can never heal? PMS is not helping these feelings right now!!!

    Khai: Tea party sounds awesome! Believe it or not you are not alone with the feelings you're describing. I feel completely... blah. Just depressed, bored, annoyed, wanting to crawl out of my own skin, feeling useless and like this is NEVER going to change... like I got thrown into this process I didn't even want and I'm not sure I agreed to, and supposedly I've been putting all this work in - I KNOW I've been putting in work because it has hurt so much and been so miserable and I've had to surrender so much of my life to nonstop panic attacks and weird energetic nonsense, and yet I have NOTHING to show for it. I feel like I'm in a much worse place than I ever was before, and the world doesn't look any better - it looks worse! Is this REALLY the best/only way all of this could have been accomplished? Because at this point I feel like a failure. I've never been certain if ascension is "real" and I'm not sure I believe it now. I mean yeah I kind of do but I'd rather be cynical because I'm so, so tired of the disappointment and getting my hopes up for nothing. My hopes go up even when I don't want them to! I get that I don't really have control, but then why all the guilt trips and nagging from other people? And at what point have I surrendered enough to prove that I'm willing to surrender? WHAT am I surrendering TO and is it even good for me? What the hell is going on? I'm not satisfied with the answers we get from the "unseens" in channelings - I think they don't know what they're talking about most of the time. I am just FED UP!

    See... not alone after all, Khai. :-P I'm just tired of feeling so anxious and depressed all the time.

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  104. yeah. i'm about to read that, ava.

    i just wanna say my pheromones are MIA right now. i'm totally having trouble with sex. i cant seem to get subjective enough. i analyze the body parts like a doctor and i just see it as flesh without participating. i'm trying really hard but casual sex just isnt pushing my buttons. i cant look at penis the same way anymore. it's almost...boring.

    thats weird for a 19 year old gay guy. REALLY weird.

    im not connecting with anyone sexually. it's freaking me out.


    but yeah today is a good day. ive been drinking a LOT of tea, and brewing it with quartz crystals has made me feel a ton better.

    i went for a bike ride and started humming this really ancient tune and then these words came "home is just a thought away" and so i told myself "i am home, this is home" and i feel a lot better.

    i made a really great and healthy meal after eating only oatmeal and tea for 3 days. it was amazing. i feel really alive today. the weather is great and im enjoying the flowers.

    i'm still dead outside of my present moment, but i think thats helping to ground the energies.

    ive got a party coming up and i'll be making some kickass guacamole. should be fun. i plan to drink my ass off and make out with a girl or too.

    then i got my tea party. yay for getting drunk in the middle of the day and eating fancy finger foods!

    being domestic is really helping me ground and center. cooking is great and ive spent a lot of time in nature.

    drinking tea has improved my energy dramatically. i think i'm really grounding like crazy right now in a lot of severe ways.

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  105. ugh i just typed a whole huge thing and it wouldnt go through and it kicked me out... ill have to redo, after im done being annoyed that it happened

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  106. well ava, phase one of ascension is actually complete. we're done with that. now we're going to phase 2.

    right now is basically the transition period from phase 1, to phase 2.

    our phase 2 vibes are different from phase 1, hence the death and rebirth.

    the guilt trips and nagging are for you to develop apathy. thats the only way i learned how to deal with it. i just stopped caring after awhile, and now it doesnt affect my energy.

    i know what you mean. and in the end we're just surrending to the universe itself. by surrendering, we step into the harmonic stream. sometimes it wants us to die, but if we're on our A-game, that doesnt have to mean physically.

    see now i'm in a higher vibe and all annoying and shit because i'm a know-it-all. haha.

    yeah i'm pretty sure this wont last long. i'll be flat on my ass tomorrow x_x

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  107. @sig8 i fucking hate it when that happens. usually i have to go do something else because it irritates the living shit out of me.

    luckily, i can make my computer stop being shitty if i just put my hands on it and relax/focus.

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  108. oh yeah happy st patrick's day everyone! i hope you all get to get wasted today. lord knows we all need it.

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  109. Khai and Ava
    ive had the stomach stuff too, the noises, the gas and a few other things :/, alot of burning...

    and i too have the same feelings, the body aches even though ive been sitting on my ass as well doing nothing....emotionlal, sad, angry, feel like giving up...
    i keep having that feeling that something is going to change but nothing happens or nothing im noticing...i feel disoriented too or just out of it, and my sex drive is just shot...and i cant get out of my own way to do anything that needs to be done around the house.... tomorrow is suppose to be 60 so maybe that will motivate me.... i need sun and warmth, its just been a long Winter
    ava, i have always had the not gooe enough feeling, insecure, no self esteem, i can be needy probably more than i want to admit...and my pms is insane, i get so cranky, and i never use to be this bad, must be getting older, ive gone from being a total bitch today to crying.... i cant even stand myself during these times...
    and yes i have been so bored out of my tits!

    i had a great few days of my anxiety being completely gone, i wonder what it was all about, it was so peaceful, and its definitely worlds better but ive had a few moments the last few days but nothing nearly as bad as it was.... i havent felt so good though on those few days it was completely gone, why didnt it stay... i wonder if it was me and not being able to let go of this relationship? i dont know
    Khai that tea party sounds great, if i had a few extra bucks to do that and invite some friends i would, maybe its what i need, feel like such a hermit, a recluse(sp?), but i also just feel like being alone...

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  110. hey you posted it at 3:33! maybe thats why you had to post it twice?

    i just had the most insane thought. what if the radiation from the power plant in japan that everyone is preparing for is actually planned, like...what if it's useful energy that our ascended bodies can use to complete this phase?

    what if the biological ascension is actually protected from its harm and actually utilizes the radiation to evolve quickly? i know the radiation has a lot of the same stuff in it that we get from the solar flares, like gamma rays and x-rays, as well as pure volatile energy.

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  111. yeah that pissed me off... and i have no alcohol here and that was one thing i wanted to mention, i feel like it has been affecting me different lately, anyone else notice this?

    i have to go run a few errands so i am going to get me some while im out, yknow something ive missed, wine, i learned i was allergic to sulfates about a year or so ago, antibiotics, but one time i was drinking wine and i got all hot and blotchy and then i get paranoid that im going to stop breathing or something, BUT i did drink the whole bottle, so maybe if i just had a glass here and there it might be ok? some say organic wines dont have sulfites but then i heard that wasnt true,....maybe i should stick to vodka....

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  112. maybe, although off the to of my head i cant remember was the 3's mean...
    interesting theory on the radiation, i dont know much about it and how it might help...i was just thinking its just more of the crazy things to come that wake people into changing... ?

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  113. well i'm throwing a tea party because i already have most of the ingredients and can easily acquire.

    find some other way to utilize whatever garbage is lying around in a fun way. it helps to do something fun. i know i woke up one day after a solar flare and i was just going crazy with anxiety and the burning desire to do physical things.

    its already spring here though. we got flowers blooming and sunshine. its nice. my windows are open. it's like 75 outside.

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  114. i think part of it is my mind is so consdumed with trying to figureout how im going to pay for this, my parents bought me this house, and also because we spent 6 + months remodeling it ive just had enough, but i do want to clean up the rest of the contructin debris on my sunporch and in the basement, the mess annoys me but i guess not enough to fix it, i just need a little push.... its just getting close to Spring here, still a chill in the air so im looking forward to it being 60 tomorrow.... i love sitting in the sun, my skin doesnt, i have such bad sun damage now, but i love sitting in it, i guess there are consequences...i just love the warmth and the glow it gives you

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  115. i dont think the sun causes the damage...

    studies show that sunlight actually activates a chemical that blocks cancer...

    i've never believed in solarphobias anyways.

    although, i just stepped outside, and i don't know if it's the radiation from japan or what but i felt really weird in the sunlight. it was REALLY bright and it felt like it was penetrating my body.

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  116. well i guess i have to figure out whats causing my problem lol...beside my skin staining from picking my face when id get a pimple...but i do have brown spots that get worse when i go in the sun, ive used creams and had photofacials to help lighten them, and it helped but just not to my liking... so maybe i just need to accept my skin and just sunbathe away!
    hmmm that is weird, where are you? the closest its going to come to the US is the West coast, and Im on the East, i questioned whether it could really travel that far, and wouldnt it lose strength?

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  117. thats just how skin reacts to sun. there's nothing wrong with your spots darkening. its not disease. its called a tan. lol.

    just accept your skin. it's fine. if it bothers you, you can wear makeup over it. i wouldnt though.


    i'm in texas. it might just be the sun, although i did get a small headache for absolutely no reason earlier. i havent done anything that would cause one but i had just gotten back from riding my bike outside and i got a weird headache on the left side of my brain.

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  118. idk i just have this weird, REALLY relaxed vibe, while at the same time feeling super grounded. it feels....almost like i'm floating in a sea of energy. i feel as if i might levitate. its the oddest feeling.

    when the sun shines on me, i feel like its shining inside me too. like there's light all around and inside me and i'm just floating in the light.

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  119. right, as much as i should be careful in the sun i know its not disease, its just brown spots, its a little different than being tan, as when your tan fades they dont go completely away :/ but its ok, ill deal...either find some other crazy expensive something to try and fix it when i can or whatever, i just dont like wearing alot of makeup, i just touch up the real bad spots and leave the rest, im sure if i wore an all over foundation i would appear even more even toned but its just too much stuff on the face....
    well i just saw Obamas speech, i dont think we need to worry about the radiation, not that they would tell us anyway im sure...
    im sitting on my couch in front of the window that has the sun shining bright the trees, its nice...

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  120. See I knew Khai would flip back to the other side after all of this morbid death talk! :-P Khai you're back on the space age guru end, honestly NOT my favorite - I think my favorite is when you pull out the claws (hehe) although I was just driving downtown and Gaga's "Born this Way" came on and I thought of you. Then I thought of how there are several recent songs I like with similar messages: Kesha's "We Are Who We Are," Pink's "Raise Your Glass," that one by Avril about all my life I've been good and now what the hell, "Firework" by Katy Perry - and I'm not always that big on pop music either. I dig the themes though! Oh and I watch Glee a lot, again a lot of similar stuff about accepting ourselves and our differences. Then on the way home I heard a song whose lyrics sounded so much like me and my ex-boyfriend, I think it might be by Taylor Swift or something, that night in December (which is the month we broke up) yadda yadda. Ugh stop messing with my head you downer romantic song lyrics!

    Khai, the sun can definitely damage skin. I don't know what you've been smoking, or maybe you're 19 and still babyfaced, but I can tell you from personal experience that it's a fact! I do agree, however, that enjoying the sun is worth it to me and I wear makeup rather than give up my sun-worshipping ways. Actually what I do is wear 50+ spf on my face most of the time and nothing on my body. Someday (barring ascension changes) I will end up this person with a young-looking face and withered, old-looking leathery lizard body. Heh.

    I'm still feeling crappy but that's par for the course. I won't believe ANYTHING has changed until I actually start feeling good again for more than 3 hours at a time. Radiation is weird, I don't know what it is but it certainly doesn't sound good for anyone. How can there be so much of it? That's what I don't understand.

    I love my alcohol and have not given it up, although I've given up lots of other things at various times in this process. Am drinking a can of PBR as I type this! It's only within the last few months that the hangovers have been so severe that I've had to seriously cut back (no more than 4 drinks on a big night out, as opposed to say, 8 or more) but I drank a lot last Sat night and it wasn't too bad the next day. I haven't smoked a cig since New Year's though, I've been good about those! Haven't missed them but then I only craved them while drunk, so I think there's a correlation.

    Oh and another thing: boys are stupid. Boys I'm trying to date, anyway...

    So guys, do you think our inane forum chatter is bothering anyone, or has enough time passed that they're not checking back anymore? ;-)

    Okay now I'm going to copy before I post because that same thing has happened to me SO many times...!

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  121. too funny ava i was thinking the same thing, that maybe enough time passed that people might not be checking anymore lol.... i suppose we can get off subject, but not really, we are really just sharing how this process is making us nuts!

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  122. wow i wrote a super long post but my internet went out and i didnt notice it until AFTER i tried to submit it and then it just got erased.

    im resisting the urge to scream because it wont release my anger.

    i'm already really irritated and i'm trying so hard to avoid more. but this just takes the cake.

    this is how i get in bad moods. it's like the universe keeps flicking my nose and laughing, trying to irritate the living shit out of me. ugh. sometimes i just want to kick the universe in the balls.

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  123. this is what it's doing to me right now. and for what? no reason. just because the universe is a motherfucker and needs to express this motherfuckerness.

    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/05/sneaky-hate-spiral.html

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  124. i'm gonna make some tea and try to calm the fuck down before i come back and COMPLETELY RETYPE THE ENTIRE, REALLY IMPORTANT, THING I WAS TRYING TO SEND IN THE FIRST PLACE.

    THANK YOU SHITTY INTERNET/UNIVERSE!!!!! I GET THE MESSAGE!!!!

    YOU'RE A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS!!!! MESSAGE HEARD LOUD AND CLEAR!!!!!!!

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  125. lol khai, i know its not funny, but it did make me laugh a little, must be something going on with the universe... ill have to check out your link.....
    ive been a crank all day, the BF pissed me off, he is pissed me now, whatever... im bored... nothing good is on tv, i think this is the firxt st pats day i havent drank, i never went out to the store, so im home drinkin gingerale woo hooo... im awesome...blaaaaaaaaaaaa

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  126. oh and copy as you go so you can paste it just in case, like Ava did, next time i spew out a long one im going to try and remember that!

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  127. ugh it's st patrick's day and im only drinking tea. i need to be drinking guinness.

    ok here we go.

    @ava, the claws are out, TRUST ME. i'm not gonna pretend im mr. happy bunny pants. im nice as long as i'm comfortable and when that ends, i'm a total bitch. my new account name on another social website is now HeadBitchInCharge, because i'm a bitch, and because i don't take shit from anybody, not even the universe.

    ugh i'm just so exhausted. that's what pisses me off the most. i havent slept in FOREVER and im about to pass the fuck out and now i have to type this thing all over again.

    the only thing calming me down is listening to Mercedes from "GLEE" sing "Hell to the No." that song is fucking hilarious! "mama said get yo ass outta bed, i said HELL TO THE NO"

    ok space guru is gone. exhausted, bored, frustrated, and irritable bitch is back. 0.0

    yeah i'm loving these self-love songs. they're really important and really relevant to our planet right now. they're enlightened pop. :D

    but yeah. still jammin to "OH OH OH, OH OH HELL TO THE NO NO, NO NO, NO NO, NO NOOOOO"

    hey at least y'all have lovers. i dont got shit. never have either. its like i never existed...

    idk about that. i've always been a total sun child. maybe it's because i'm half hispanic and i dont ever burn, i tan. not only do i tan, but the sun changes my black body hair to bright blonde. this summer, im gonna shave my head and tan my scalp so i grow blond hair.

    yeah i'm still baby faced. :D i love to tan. i try to get as much sun as i can.

    i hate feeling crappy. i was having a great day, until some butthead at the park told me i couldnt ride my bike in the sculpture area. its a park, and i was riding through, on the way home and there was no sign saying that. idk it just pissed me off and i had to sit down because i cant do anything when someone pisses me off like that. i think i was more pissed off that he killed my buzz. i was having a really nice day.

    ugh. i just dozed off while trying to write this. THIS is why im mad about my idiotic computer fucking me over. because now i'm trying to type and my brain hurts and i can barely read, but this has to come out now.

    and screw whoever doesnt like our chat. it's about ascension anyways. fuck em.

    ok so here's something weird that happened today. it's almost like a spirit animal thing.

    i was picking white azaleas and sticking them in the bark of the trunk of a willow tree, when i finished putting in 8 azaleas in a patch, all spread out.

    i go to get more flowers, and there's two, stuck together. i pull them apart, curious as to why they're stuck, when out pops a GIANT spider, violently thrashing and trying to crawl out as fast as possible. I'm not a fan of spiders being near me or on me. so i scream and drop it.

    i screamed like a girl in front of strangers my age who were at the park.

    but anyways. lol. i was really terrified and i started cracking up because it was just a ridiculous thing and i always laugh after i get really scared.

    but then it struck me as odd and something like that would happen after 8 flowers, corresponding to the 8 eyes and legs of a spider.

    i feel like that experience was significant. something about the spider busting out of two conjoined white flowers.

    i wonder if it has something to do with what i was thinking about before that.

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  128. i was trying to figure out how to do something.

    i have this new understanding of something i used to do.

    i relax, and focus on a very subtle energy in my spine, that connects to a pink star about a foot above my head.

    when i fully connect, i've exhibited telekinetic abilities in small ways. but it's REALLY hard to connect. i cant have any kind of sensory distraction or i have to already be so relaxed that i easily let go of those distractions.

    it feels like letting go. i feel like i, as an individual, lose control, and give it to the universe. like i'm connecting to an external power source.

    when i do it, the manifestation is instantaneous. i've done all kinds of electronic manipulation, sonic manipulation, levitation, opening doors, turning knobs, flickering lights, stuff like that.

    it also connects me to my telepathy in a really big way. when i connect to it, i can go so deep into someone's mind and see all their past and future probabilities and their friends. i can follow this auric trail from their mind to someone they know and then read that person, like i'm smelling them with my mind.

    something i've done that a lot of people bitch at me about is this: i can use my telepathy and reverse the charge. instead of reading thoughts, i can also "push" people.

    i've used it numerous times and my friends have witnessed it. it's like mind control, except not. i'm just planting thoughts in their heads, and disguising the vibe so its like theirs, and not mine. like, i speak with their voice and i put the thought in their head. i actually got a straight guy to sleep with me that way.

    but it's only when i connect to this very subtle column of energy in my spine.

    and THAT is really hard.

    what i was wondering is how can i connect more easily? i know it happens when im in a really balanced and high vibe. i mean i've telekinetically altered electronic equipment when i was angry, but i had just woken up so i was still dreamy.

    i really need to figure out how to connect because i need to use these abilities to navigate my life. i'm at a pretty big disadvantage, thanks to ascension, and thank to ascension, it's hard to access this state of mind.

    i really just need help figuring out how to relax my body and my mind very quickly and easily.

    i often need to use my abilities, and i'm too stressed out to use them.

    this one thing pretty much unlocks all my abilities.

    i havent really tried any elemental manipulation except cloud bursting. i stood on a hill and focused for 10 minutes, opening up the cloudy skies so i could have a sunny morning. but i used a different technique which was more forceful and less effective.

    i dream the techniques in pieces, and then i try them to see if i can feel the energy flowing in real life, and i can and they work.

    but yeah. i'm really interested in elemental manipulation. i think above anything else, i'm interested in that.

    i think more of that happens when we ground.

    i'm pretty focused on trying to train myself.

    it's hard because when my abilities first emerged, i wasnt sure how to use them, and i stopped because i felt that i could cause harm to someone by misusing them, and no one had any experience with that sort of thing.

    i know i'm not crazy because a lot of my friends watched me do that stuff. in fact, people around me noticed it happening before i did. a lot of it was subconsciously controlled. now i've learned the technique to tap into the subconscious, the subtle energy, and influence it consciously. there's no emotion in it, it's just connect, and then THINK.

    so does anyone have any ideas about what the spider means and how to more easily tap into my power?

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  129. i was told years ago the spider was a good thing, due to the 8 and 8 being infinity?
    man thats come powerful stuff you can do huh, that movie "push" freaked me out when they made people do stuff that they wanted them to with their mind...i wouldnt have the first clue, expect the typical meditate?

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  130. khai
    http://www.whats-your-sign.com/spider-symbol-meaning.html

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  131. yeah that's what i was thinking. i'll just have to meditate and practice going in and out until i can do it smoothly.

    but my eyes dont turn black. lol. it's just a mind thing. its really easy once i connect. all of it is.

    i really feel the best when im doing that kind of stuff.

    i know the spider means a lot of things, but i feel like it's significant that two flowers were stuck together, and i split them open and a big spider came out. you know? it just seems...symbolic of something

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  132. i have a lot of dreams where i've learned to levitate my body and influence elements. it makes me wonder if i'll be able to do it in the future.

    i know i've been having these dreams since i was a small child and i experience the mental strain and the focus and i can feel the objects i'm moving and the elements inside me.

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  133. ok so i found a guy on youtube who knows what i'm talking about with the telekinesis and i'm gonna see if we cant help each learn. i'm gonna practice shifting my consciousness.

    really, what i need to practice is just connecting, and holding the focus of that connection. a lot of my problems stem from keeping the connection flowing. and then i can easily shift my consciousness to stretch beyond my body and merge with something else.

    it's so weird, there's like 4 major steps to doing it and sometimes i forget to do all of them and it just sucks.

    the downside is that my computer is extra sensitive to my energy and if i'm feeling stuck in any way, it will mirror this back. and then it's my fault, but i cant fix it because i'm stuck :(

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  134. Khai: screaming actually does release your anger - from the only textual sources I've really ever paid deep attention to in this process, I would say that screaming/movement (that doesn't hurt anyone) are the best methods you can use. Make noise.

    Glee is great. I was just talking to a couple of hispanic guys from Arizona, over on the east coast for a wedding. On a night celebrating drunken white people, they were wearing suits and they stood out. One was tall and super hot.

    I have spent the past few days wondering why this new guy isn't pursuing me more. I've gotten really angry about it and feeling lonely, needy and rejected. I finally texted him today, he texted back once several hours later, I texted back 45 minutes after that with an excellent flirtation prompt - no response. He was SO into me Saturday night, so WTF? I thought maybe he is playing games and hard to get, but now I wonder if maybe he just HAS no game. I spent a long time processing anger/frustration this evening and then I got his text - that's the only way I've found to magically change my life, by moving/vibrating my previously hidden emotions. Everything's a freaking lesson in undoing self-denial, ugh! I don't have your telepathy stuff Khai. Anyway then my friend invited me out on the town and I had forgotten it was St. Patty's today amazingly enough, but I went out and I got a lot of attention and it was a total mindfuck because earlier I had been feeling SO low and so rejected and worthless. But like, there were plenty of cute guys I could have initiated something with tonight - so why do I put all of my emphasis and self-worth into this one? Maybe he's not that into me, maybe he has no game, either way I am just not sure what to do with it and it's been really getting me down. At the same time, it brings up all of these deeply held internal issues from my past that I am obviously needing to deal with. I was a majorly ugly duckling early on and didn't grow into my looks until college. There is a part of me that still thinks I am unattractive no matter how much validation I get. This might seem superficial but it is a deep and painful energetic wound because it is tied to self-worth and self-hatred. I only had two beers tonight and it is one of those nights where I feel like I could set the world on fire - nice to feel this again, though I'm sure it's temporary! I want to get out there and put it all in their faces. I want to go crazy and invite everyone to the party. I want everyone to go wild and dance and scream. I want us all to hug and do shots and rage until we pass out. Is that really so wrong?

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  135. nope not really. my rule is to never invest energy in someone who's not investing energy in you, plain and simple.... :\

    but yeah. try to express those feelings and let them go.

    looks are very subjective. i'm STILL an ugly duckling, but i've been losing weight for awhile and i stay active. there's not much more i can do beyond that because if i diet hardcore, i wont stick with it and then ill stop losing weight.

    you just gotta be a little tougher. if he isn't texting you back or something, cut your losses. be a little bit more concerned about what you're getting out of it versus how responsible you feel for what's going on and how you think you can fix it.

    i'm not saying to be selfish, but there's an imbalance between how much energy you were putting out to text a guy who doesn't seem to be into you for whatever of the myriad reasons there could be, and how much energy you were getting back by performing those actions.

    the energy exchange needs to be equal, or you'll always end up losing chi and creating situations where you lose chi.

    that's how it works for me anyways and when i corrected this, my life got better in that department.

    go party your ass off. we need to have fun. it's spring and we're human.

    btw, glee is amazing.

    haha i just realized its weird hearing me talk about telekinesis. but i swea